So much has happened since I moved here. Sometimes I think it might have been the move that has created all these problems. All I wanted was to make everyone happy and give each of us a chance to grow and realize what we truly wanted. And it seems as if it has backfired.
I feel more alone than I have in years. It's not that I didn't want to have my own space to make my own mistakes, but I wanted it to be better and it's not. This latest setback has me wondering how long am I here for? I mean, seriously, how much can really happen to only one person? I'm not inviting anymore disasters, I just want to understand why. I know I'm not perfect, but I don't think this is making me any stronger. In fact, it's doing just the opposite. I have no energy to take care of my new place, so it's a complete waste. Sometimes I find myself just staring at the steps wondering if I will even make it up them to get into the house. I start walking and then my leg muscles give out and it's all I can do to stay upright.
I just want to get better but I feel like it never will. I don't even have anymore hope for this situation. All I want to do is survive, and that's very sad.
No comments:
Post a Comment